They are placing my big brothers headstone as I type this. I have never been part of something like this and I am not sure how to handle it. Yes, we have had other deaths in our family but when it came to Grandparents headstones they were already in place by the time that I was old enough to understand or comprehend.
Should I leave work and be there while they place it, or should I just wait until after? My mind and my heart are so unsure at this point. I want to visit his grave, but I almost want to do it alone. Yes, I have visited a few times since he died, but never alone and never to cry. I seem to have a really hard time crying in front of others, I always have to be the strong one. I miss him.
My big brother, Roy, was such a contrast in who he was throughout his life. But in the end he was so close to God and managed to teach me so much about love, faith and dignity. How I wish I could look into his eyes and tell him how much I appreciated him, how much I miss him, and how wonderful his girls are. They help their mom so much, more than most kids will ever have too. He would be so proud.
I am so very thankful for our last phone conversation and will always hear him say, "Hey Sis.", forever in my mind and heart. I will never forget his voice or his one armed hugs, just thinking about the hugs makes me smile. I really miss my big brother.
My heart is breaking as I think of all of the time that we missed. Thank you Roy for teaching me that God is in control and that God will always know. Faith!! He taught me what a gift faith can be.
I miss you.
midRae
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I am so sorry you are going through such heartbreaking emotions right now. My thoughts and prayers are with you. BIG HUGS!!
ReplyDeleteWhen i had to order and layout the headstone for my dad, it was a life changing event that I never imagined. How could something so simple be so, touching? I know you miss your brother, I feel with you and I'm sorry. kare
ReplyDeleteIt's a pain that never really goes away, isn't it? I lost my brother when I was 9 and he was 17, and I still think about him and wonder how it would be if he were here. I know he knows my children....I know he knew them before they were in my arms, because our families aren't meant to be torn apart by death or anything else the world throws at us. I hope you feel peace at the end of your day. I love you.
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