Deserving

First things first.............I miss Spring, Summer, and Fall.  Winter has been here too, too long and I need warm temps, pretty flowers, and sun, lots of sun.  Color, please.  I have some early bloomers in my yard, and me with no pictures of them, cute little tiny purple ones.  Maybe when I get home at some point today, between the ortho appointment for tailEnd, cooking dinner, picking up the house, and working out, at least I did laundry last night, I will be able to catch those cute little ones for you all to see, unless it snows.  Which it might.  Oh wait, that could be a really cool picture. 

I have finally run out of admiration for the beauty of Winter.  The frost and the snow on the trees, the perfect, uninterrupted length of a field covered in such blinding whiteness, what beauty!  But please, please.  I surrender.  No more wind, no more shoveling, no more cold, cold car in the morning.  Just give me a little warmth so that I can go out taking photos.  I need to take some photos, but I am a chicken and it is so cold out.  Maybe I should dig out midMan's old coveralls and go for it?  I am sure the world would laugh and sigh, 'Too cute, NOT!!'  But alas, it's still cold out, and windy, and supposed to rain, which will turn to snow about the time I go to work in the morning.  Cold, cold car in the morning.

So moving on.........

A little background.  About 5 years ago I was a smoker.  Yep, that's right, me a smoker, who started that awful habit at the young age of 15.  I loved smoking and I am sure that if I let myself I would jump right back in to being a smoker, but I won't let myself.  Quitting is hard and I don't want to have to quit again.  It was so hard!!  Everyone trying......I feel your pain.  My process of quitting was to eat everything and anything in sight and I had the weight gain to prove it.  I managed to gain a lovely 55 pounds.  Yuck!!  midRae at 210 pounds, scary.  But I managed to quit smoking which was the best part. 

Next I needed to get control of myself and find the new and improved midRae.  Did I find her?  You bettcha!!!  The quitting process took about 11 months, the new midRae took about 6 months of doing the Weight Watchers Point Systems online and beginning my love of working out.  Yes, I did manage to lose 55 pounds in six months, but I worked hard for it, and I found a new addiction.  midMan says I changed my addiction to nicotine into an addiction to working out, which I am sure every one is getting sick of, sometimes that's all I talk about, working out and photography.   I think it was a great trade off.  I still feel that I need to lose at least another 15 to 20 pounds, but that will come in the next year. 

This has not been a quick process.  I have had a few stops along the way, and then I would jump right back on and off I went, back to better eating and harder working out.  And one of the best things to come about from all of this is that I can take a really deep breath.  I mean really deep.  I love the feeling.  Just close your eyes and take a really deep breath.  What JOY!  Just to breathe.

The next destination on my journey will take place on April 10th.  I have signed up for a 5K.  It's only 3.1 miles but I can promise you, for someone who has never run before and used to be a smoker, just being able to cross the finish line in a decent time will be like winning a marathon.  I didn't leave myself a lot of time to train so I am pushing things right now, last nights jog was hard, 3 miles against the wind and with a sore body, too.  OUCH!!  Better today and moving on. 

All of this just to say, I read a blog the other day that said, I do deserve to feel better, I have worked hard and I do deserve this, I do deserve to take the time to be healthier and happier, and I do deserve to take time for me.  And guess what?  I agree!!  I do deserve this.  I have worked so hard.

It's been a journey, these past 5 years.  But so worth it.  I have grown as a person and I think I have grown as a parent and as a wife.  I have also grown more athletic and I love the feel of muscle.  I took it all for granted when I was younger.  Muscle feels so cool, especially when it's your own strong legs and arm.  When I can now keep up with midMan while hiking, so cool.  When I can out last two of my boys, ages 25 and 15, doing P90X, so very very cool. 

My life?  So very, very, very cool.  And I am worth it.

Love to All,

midRae